1) Light Fire 2) Inhale Smoke 3) Puff Cheeks 4) Blow Directly into American Oriface

Arianna covers her recent trip to hear Ahmed Chalabi speak about the current situation in Iraq. Delivered with the slick and smooth charisma of the same siren who called to the neocons at sea, Chalabi said that, well, pretty much nothing is wrong with Iraq:

Chalabi was introduced by another well-spoken foreigner, his old friend Fouad Ajami. Ajami's introduction couldn't have been more glowing. We had to check the program to make sure we weren't about to hear from Nelson Mandela. The CV we were given made it sound like Chalabi's life was a seamless trajectory from his birth in Baghdad through his PhD from the University of Chicago to his current role as Deputy Prime Minister -- without any mention of the scandal, corruption, and crimes that have followed wherever he has gone.

Looking tan, rested, a little balding, and very well fed, Chalabi delivered a casual talk that called to mind the fireside chats of FDR.

Here are some of the stand-out moments that most struck our little group:

On the insurgency: "There is no communal strife in Iraq. Only individual acts of violence."

On his relationship with Iran (the source of that FBI investigation): "completely transparent."

On Ayatollah Sistani: "He has no interest in politics. It's the last thing on his mind."

On the corruption that has plagued the U.S. occupation of Iraq: "95% of the corruption is gone."

On Iraqi oil and gas: Chalabi said that, according to the new Iraqi Constitution, all of the country's oil and gas are owned by the people. He then repeatedly mentioned how important it was to open the country -- including its oil and gas resources -- to privatization. He also predicted that gas prices in Iraq would continue to rise, but mitigated it by saying that it wouldn't really matter because poor people don't have cars anyway.

On the terrorists plaguing Iraq: When asked about whether his statement that the terrorists have better intelligence about the government than the government has about the terrorists "wasn't alarming" -- he replied: "Yes, that is alarming." But he didn't look at all alarmed.

On the Iraqi Army: He made it clear that the Iraqi army was going to have to go on a spending spree to buy American-produced weaponry as opposed to the inferior Eastern European arms they now have. Clearly a bonanza for U.S. defense contractors.

"We have achieved democracy," he announced at one point. Good to know. It was all very congratulatory, clubby and collegial. Dissident voices were not allowed. When I stood up to ask a question, I had the microphone offered and then quickly taken away at the moderator's prompting as soon as I introduced myself.

For the record, here is what I was planning to ask: "It has now been established, including by the Robb-Silberman commission, that the group you headed, the Iraqi National Congress, coached defectors to fabricate information about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction both to the intelligence community. Do you take responsibility for the actions of the group?"

Nice try, Arianna. Glad you were there to give it a stab.

Chalabi and Rove, two master manipulators playing hand in hand. It is interesting that The Administration returns to scolded son Chalabi when ratings are down- because they know that he can coo and re-coax America into the delusion that he's got it all under control. The same greased lies that took us into the war.

The same lack of accountability that got us here to begin with. Anybody else retching?