Bush Solves Oil Crisis

Yesterday, The Administration released their much-anticipated oil overhaul for the nation's automobile industry, with drastic improvements in the quality of life of all Americans due to the beautiful reductions of oil consumption now required:

The administration said its plan would increase the average mileage of light trucks to 24 miles a gallon for 2011 models, compared with 21.2 miles a gallon in today's models.

"This plan is good news for American consumers," Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta said in a statement, "because it will ensure the vehicles they buy get more miles to the gallon, requiring fewer stops at the gas station, and ultimately saving them money at the pump." Mr. Mineta announced the plan at a news conference in Los Angeles, where he arrived in a silver Lincoln Navigator sport utility vehicle.

Wow! Light trucks will get almost 3 more miles to the gallon, in six years! We're well on the way to a responsible oil-consuming policy!

For those of you who might condemn such aggressively positive moves toward fuel-consumption reduction, and who might call something such as this amazing new plan "Woefully Inadequate" or "Ridiculous," or "Self-Interested Political Back-Patting" or "Crap," please keep in mind that it's not The Administration that's to blame:

One concern among critics is that an automaker could slightly enlarge some vehicles to move them into a less demanding category. For instance, if the length and width of the Subaru Outback were increased by a fraction of an inch, it could move from a category with a fuel target of 28.7 miles a gallon in 2011 to a category requiring 27.1 miles a gallon.

Such gaming characterizes the current system; Subaru recently raised the Outback higher off the ground and made other technical design modifications to change its classification from a passenger car to the less-demanding status of light truck.

The new approach makes it both easier and harder to reclassify cars as trucks. Much-criticized rules related to seat design have allowed vehicles like the Chrysler PT Cruiser to be counted as trucks, and the loophole would be expanded in the new system. But since the smallest trucks would have mileage targets comparable to cars, there might be less incentive to do so.

And taht if they do so, remember, that there's always room for improvement!

The proposal does not extend fuel regulations to the largest and least fuel-efficient S.U.V.'s and pickup trucks - those like the Hummer H2 that are more than 8,500 pounds when loaded. The administration said it would seek further comment on whether larger S.U.V.'s alone should be inserted into the final rule.

Your Enthusiastic Admin Pal, General Stan.