New Measures

Yes, O Kindly Readers, the New York Times has begun the process of enacting systemic changes to " build readers' confidence," and we loathesome creatures at the AntiCentenarian [I love self-promotion] are going to follow suit. So below are some steps we'll be taking in line with the New York Times' efforts at transparency and and review to build the public perception of a "more reliable newsource." Yes, O delinquents of internet analysis, the AntiCentenarian has cowed to the pressure of Her critics and has realized, indeed, that there is "an immense amount that we can do to improve our journalism." [hahahahaha.]

The New York Times' list of things to do, and the AntiC's corresponding actions:

• "Increase our coverage of religion in America" and "cover the country in a fuller way," with more reporting from rural areas and of a broader array of cultural and lifestyle issues.
• Limit anonymous sources, reduce factual errors and make a clearer distinction between news and opinion.
• Make the paper's operations and decisions more transparent to readers through methods like making transcripts of interviews available on its Web site.
• Make it easier for readers to send e-mail to reporters and editors.
• Respond to its critics; to explain itself "actively and earnestly" to critics and to readers who are often left confused when charges go unanswered.
• "Devise a strategy governing when and where it makes sense for us to be on TV and radio," and recommended that reporters be given television training.

The AntiC vows henceforth to:

• Increase our Bitching and Moaning about the spread of [Christian] Religion in America as it continues to be used against the Truly Religious populace as a classist bargaining chip for political capital
  
• Reduce anonymous sources to 0, null, void. Every anonymous source quoted on the AntiC will henceforth be "named."
  
• Increase transperancy by decreasing graphical opacity.
  
• Make it easier for readers to send e-mail to reporters and editors - Please respond folks, your thoughts matter! Contact Liberal Blogger General Stan at: bzorkz@prodigy.net ! [Or, if you'd rather enhance the public discussion, all Comments are Open and Public]
  
• Respond to its critics: Go Screw Yourselves.
  
• Our television strategy is as follows: Turn it off, go outside, play. Enjoy. Repeat.

Thanks folks, and please have patience while we work to implement these important new strategies to increase our journalistic integrity.

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The above is something resembling satire, though it is not indeed definable as satire. The AntiCentenarian holds the New York Times in high regard for making the active decision to promote journalistic integrity and reliability. The AntiCentenarian, however, does not see itself as resembling journalism in any form, and therefore rejects the claims of the New York Times that it should be practicing motifs of "good journalism." The AntiCentenarian believes its role is primarily one of cultural analysis and criticism, with the occasional dabble in outright obscenity and crass lies.